she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
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