You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize