jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
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