Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
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