drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
