And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Randomize
