I forgot how hot balto sounded
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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