I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
you told grandpa to call you daddy
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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