Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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