I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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