I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
