So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Randomize
