i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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