Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
