Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
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