Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize