we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Randomize
