I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
