It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
She told me I should be a condom model.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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