dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
