Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Randomize
