your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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