Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
