Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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