I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
