Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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