These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Randomize
