I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
