I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
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We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
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