Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Randomize
