my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
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