I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
