my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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