It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
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