I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
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