dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
