If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
don't judge my taste in strippers
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
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