Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
we should paint friendship bongs
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