i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
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