booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
