did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
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