The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
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