They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
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exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize