when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Randomize
