My nipple is on Facebook.
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize