I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
he shaved USA in his pubs
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Randomize
