I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Randomize
