wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize