she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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