Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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