Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
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Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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