Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
is wine microwaveable?
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Randomize
