Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
