Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
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