Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
