I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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