Im at strip club and am horny
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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