i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
