Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Randomize
