I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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