And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
