Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Life is so much better after having sex.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
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