So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Randomize
