he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
